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September 29, 2006

More Thoughts on Marriage/Relationships

Another marriage in crisis has been shared with me. As a result, my mind continues to mull over what else can make a relationship slip away. My prayers continue to be lifted up on their behalf.

I remember a situation many years ago when a beautiful young lady asked me if I thought she was pretty. At first, I was taken aback. I could answer her honestly and emphatically YES! But why did she ask me? Her spouse frequently and "jokingly" made very negative remarks to and about her, especially in public. Though they were disquised by humor, they had cut deep. It made her doubt her value to her husband, and herself.

I see this type of exchange between relationships daily, both in marriage and in other types of relationships. (friends, siblings, co-workers, etc.) I have never seen it produce positive results. If you think about it, we have all been the giver and the receiver of this type of "warfare". We laughingly participate, but at night, in the dark, we cry into our pillow (that's what we women do, what do men do? I don't know). Over time, each remark acts like a drip of water which has the power to erode what is in its path. Eventually, a chasm is formed. A chasm so wide and deep that it doesn't seem passable. Because this erosion happens slowly, we may not even know how it came to be. We just wake up one day and realize our relationship is in trouble.

Another characteristic of this verbal interplay is that it multiplys. Let's say one couple invites another couple over. Someone starts the game rolling by throwing out funny demeaning remarks to and about his/her spouse. Everyone laughs. Then the other couple takes up the game and sends one over to his/her spouse. Everyone laughs. Everone hurts.

This has happened even between myself and my husband. I remember feeling betrayed and hurt. When I brought it up to my husband later, he did the right thing. He apoligized, and we talked about how we would always try to guard each others character by not "playing the game". COMMUNICATION WITH RESPECT It works!

I would be interested in hearing from others who have been hurt by this type of interaction and what if anything you did about it.

A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it! Proverbs 15:23 KJV
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Proverbs 25:11 KJV

September 28, 2006

Birthdays, Birthdays, Birthdays

Well, Grandma Anna, my mother, turned 84 on the 26th. She never imagined she would ever live this long. In her family, she has out lived (age wise) her parents and four siblings. I am just happy that she has. She has been a blessing to Dick and I and our sons and grandchildren. Anna and Noelle especially, light up when they see Grandma Anna. And, nothing can light up grandma's eyes like her great-grandchildren.

Today, Christine turned six. She was born on my mom and dad's anniversary. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE, We love you! In our family we are bombarded with birthdays one right after another. Anna's on the 8th of September, Julie's on the 23rd, Grandma Anna's on the 26th, Christine's on the 28th, Amie's on October 16th, Jeremy's on November 14, Read's on December 5th, Noelle's on December 16th, James on January 14th. Mine is also in there somewhere:\ (It is a miracle if I got all these dates correct. I'm sure I will find out!)

One of my clients just had her baby, Bethany Rose. I haven't seen her yet, but hopefully, will this next week.

September 25, 2006

It was great

It was so great to see the sun shining this morning. Your day just seems easier when the sun is shining. Anyway...

On Sunday evenings for the next few weeks a group of about 8-9 are listening to the biography of George Mulleur. Another woman and I are reading for about 40 minutes, then we stop for comments or questions. I had heard of Mulleur's work with orphanges, but had never read his complete biography. I have been so blessed to hear how God blessed this man of faith. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to be challenged by this man's testimony. He never received a salary. He never accepted funds from unbelievers. He never shared his needs to anyone except God. By the time he was 32, he had recorded over 2000 answers to prayers. He didn't get saved until his early 20's (I think). 3 ororphanges with 96 children and only like 9 adults. Amazing! Today, our Department of Child and Family Services would have a fit.

My laptop screen has lost its screws and will no longer hold itself up. The plastic covers/hinges have just fallen apart. Woe is me! I have no idea if they can be replaced or how much it will cost.

September 16, 2006

Marriage: Standing in the need of prayer!

There are so many marriages that have reached

At least four couples I know, are having problems in their marriage. Last night as I lay in bed trying to go to sleep, I couldn't help but ponder and lift up each couple in prayer. They are not dealing with a little problem, but rather a stack of seemingly insurmountable problems that creapt in between the
love of their life.
But how does it fall apart?

Now, I certainly don't know all the circumstances, but I was praying and asking God to work, bringing each spouse to a place where they were willing to communicate with each other. Communication with respect is a key element in any relationship. Giving each other time to talk without belittling or getting angry is a good start.

Communication has to happen for the next important element in marriage to take place; that of forgiveness. Forgiveness is so essential. Without it, you only leave room for bitterness. No one benefits from anger turned to bitterness. The Bible tells us that this gives Satan a stronghold in our life. We can do enough damage ourselves without inviting THE Deceiver to work against us. This ripples out to wound all we hold dear, our children (young or grown), our grandchildren, our neighbors, our friends, our church, and our witness. No problem is worth wounding so many we hold dear, especially, our LORD, who already gave HIS all for us.

The third element you need in marriage is a sense of humor. Nothing can diffuse anger like laughter. I often tell my husband that is the reason I married him, for his humor. Laughter adds balance to our lives. It helps us not to take life too seriously. The Psalmist said, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."

Now, God tells us when we are joined in marriage, that we are to LEAVE and CLEAVE. Leave our childhood ties to parents, siblings, etc., and to cleave to our mate. This has to take place emotionally as well as physically. As a wife, my husband comes first after God, then my children, then church, work... As a wife, it's my job to lift up my husband, never doing anything that would make him look bad. (even to the point of making sure his clothes are clean and wrinkle free, Ladies it doesn't say much about us, either! )

These thoughts seem to swirl around in my mind and heart every time I hear the pain of dear friends, thanks for letting me ramble.

September 10, 2006

A New Thing

I will do a new thing Sunday evening. I have read aloud numerous times to my children and the children of others, but I don't recall ever doing it for adults. I will be team reading the biography of George Mueller. We will read for 40 minutes or so and then a facilitator will open it up to observations, questions, or comments. We will take 7 weeks to get through the book. This could be a neat time indeed! Oh my, did I just date myself by using the word 'neat'?

September 05, 2006


My husband and I just got back from our vacation. We had a very relaxing time. We found a camping spot outside of Havana, Illinois just a few hours northwest of us. The first week was very quiet and suited us just fine. We played games, read, visited tourist sites, and generally had a great time. Maybe the highlight was the dulcimer concert held last Sunday afternoon. It was great! Not only did they have some very talented performers, but it had an 'open mic' for anyone in the audience who wanted to perform. We heard some very good music by people of all ages. It was amazing to hear them and realize that they had only been playing for a short time. It was hosted by the Dickson Mounds Museum; which is built on an Indian burial ground.

The museum was interesting. Many of the designs used and found by archeologist has within it an equal cross (all points were the same size like a red cross symbol). Dick and I speculated on that fact, wondering if it was the result of some passed down knowledge of a religious nature. An archeologist was there when we went through the museum. We asked him, but he stated,

The information and relics found really do not give an answer to this
, but I think it could be plausabe.

On our way home, we visited the new Lincoln Museum in Springfield. It is quite good and they try to give an honest look at Lincoln's life. It would be a worthwhile trip for anyone who is interested in history. There were two rooms we didn't get to tour before the museum closed. We hope to make another trip to see them. There is also a new Lincoln library as part of the exhibits, but they were closed for Labor Day.