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More Thoughts on Marriage/Relationships

Another marriage in crisis has been shared with me. As a result, my mind continues to mull over what else can make a relationship slip away. My prayers continue to be lifted up on their behalf.

I remember a situation many years ago when a beautiful young lady asked me if I thought she was pretty. At first, I was taken aback. I could answer her honestly and emphatically YES! But why did she ask me? Her spouse frequently and "jokingly" made very negative remarks to and about her, especially in public. Though they were disquised by humor, they had cut deep. It made her doubt her value to her husband, and herself.

I see this type of exchange between relationships daily, both in marriage and in other types of relationships. (friends, siblings, co-workers, etc.) I have never seen it produce positive results. If you think about it, we have all been the giver and the receiver of this type of "warfare". We laughingly participate, but at night, in the dark, we cry into our pillow (that's what we women do, what do men do? I don't know). Over time, each remark acts like a drip of water which has the power to erode what is in its path. Eventually, a chasm is formed. A chasm so wide and deep that it doesn't seem passable. Because this erosion happens slowly, we may not even know how it came to be. We just wake up one day and realize our relationship is in trouble.

Another characteristic of this verbal interplay is that it multiplys. Let's say one couple invites another couple over. Someone starts the game rolling by throwing out funny demeaning remarks to and about his/her spouse. Everyone laughs. Then the other couple takes up the game and sends one over to his/her spouse. Everyone laughs. Everone hurts.

This has happened even between myself and my husband. I remember feeling betrayed and hurt. When I brought it up to my husband later, he did the right thing. He apoligized, and we talked about how we would always try to guard each others character by not "playing the game". COMMUNICATION WITH RESPECT It works!

I would be interested in hearing from others who have been hurt by this type of interaction and what if anything you did about it.

A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it! Proverbs 15:23 KJV
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Proverbs 25:11 KJV


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